September 1, 2011 by Heather Harris
So if you haven’t noticed from my whining via various social media platforms, I have been going through a breakup. I was with a guy on and off for over 3 years. I thought he was going to be the guy I would end up marrying, but obviously, he wasn’t. I have been on an emotional roller coaster trying to deal with this, mostly because well, when we broke up, not only did I lose my boyfriend, I also lost one of my only real friends. We don’t talk at all, trying to give each other space, and I doubt we’ll ever really be friends again, though we say we’d like to be.
Basically, what I’m trying to say is I’m having a really hard time dealing with this. I know that he’s not the guy I should be with. I know that there will be someone else who will make me crazy happy someday. But at the moment, all I can focus on is the fact that I’m alone, so very terribly alone.
So I’ve been praying that God would surround me with real friends, ones who aren’t going to desert me at the first sign of trouble. I’ve been praying that God will give me the strength to stand on my own two feet. I’ve just been praying and praying and praying, and so far, nothing different has happened. I know God still hears me, even when He’s silent, but it’s hard when there’s no answer back. My faith is being tested, I know, and I’m trying hard to lean on Him, and not anything else, but gosh darn it, is it hard.
People keep telling me, “Take it one day at a time,” and, “Don’t worry about the past or the future. Just live in the moment.” I guess that’s good advice but the problem is that my reality in the present is pretty empty. Yes, I’m thankful for the support and love I get from my family and that I have two good jobs that are in my field of study. I’m thankful for the few real friends I do have, even though they live far away from me. I know I have a bright future ahead of me, no one’s here to be happy with me, and that makes my life feel vacant and desolate. I ache for relationships, human interaction besides that which I have with my coworkers and family…I have a gaping hole in my life, and it’s killing me.
With school starting comes hope, but I’m afraid of being let down. I’m afraid that God is going to say no to my pleading for friends. It scares me to think that I might have to weather the next chapter of my life alone. I guess all I can really do is wait and see.
But that’s the hardest part, isn’t it?