June 26, 2013 by Heather Harris
Hello again, friends. After almost a two-year break from this blog, I am finally breaking the silence in which I’ve left all of you who have faithfully read my posts in the past. It has been a long two years of brokenness, healing and renewed hope, nurturing new relationships and recovering from old heartaches, but ultimately two years of slowly surrendering and submitting every last inch of me to the redeeming love of Jesus Christ.
Almost four and a half years ago, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and prescribed Zoloft. After struggling for five years with no answers, I finally found a doctor who would take me seriously when I talked about my symptoms. I was so relieved I broke down in tears during the appointment. I’d been struggling with the pain and fatigue since I was in 8th grade, but every time I went to the doctor, they acted like I was making it up. They told it me it was probably just all in my head even though the pain was very real. I prayed for the power to ignore it, for it to just disappear, but in reality I couldn’t even get a good night’s sleep. I would wake up feeling like I got hit by a truck, struggle through the day, and come home only to collapse, exhausted, my entire body throbbing with unexplained pain. I felt like my body had turned against me, and there was nothing I could do about it. Discouraged and depressed, I began to feel overwhelmed with the need to escape. I turned to self injury and self-medication (overdosing on pain medications). I hated myself and questioned anyone’s motives who tried to love and support me because I felt I didn’t deserve it. I felt numb and empty, trapped inside a broken mind and body that seemingly could not be fixed. Worse yet, I felt like I had no one I could go to who really understood what I was going through.
But my friends, our God heals. Our God restores. Our God brings strength and power to the weary and the weak. He is everything. Why is it always so hard to see once everything starts to go our way again? Why is it that when everything is going exactly the way we think we want it, we seem to forget that we are still broken, that we need Christ in life’s most glorious mountain tops just as much as we needed Him in our darkest valleys? My friends, if there is one thing I have learned from this roller coaster of a life so far, it is that I cannot and do not need to be self-sufficient. I do not have to live holed up in my own head, worrying about making it through life without intentionally asking for support, for depth and vulnerability in human relationships. Christ calls us to community, to each other, with the security that when we fail each other, we always have Christ. Do not give in to our culture’s individualist thought processes. Let Christ reclaim your minds and hearts. Give Him the throne and let Him reign.
“Let those who fear the Lord say, ‘His steadfast love endures forever.’ Out of my distress I called on the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me free.”
– Psalm 118:4-5